Friday, 29 January 2016

No room for negotiation with your child-energize yourself

Here’s a piece of coaching advice I often find myself giving to parents: Explain yourself once to your child and then move on. Don't stand there and get battered! You can’t solve an argument or make a child do something by trying to make them understand and agree with you. It is really simple. They are still a child! The fact is, they don’t understand you! They’re going to see things differently. Children and adults have totally different perspectives. Parents can spend a lot of time and energy trying to make a child accept their logic. It’s just not going to happen. It is likely never to happen. Why? Well they don't have your experience and life skills.The child will use manipulation to gain the upper hand and what does the parent do from this point? Yes! Enter into a negotiation process. Why do you want to strike a deal with your child. You know all too well that isn't what you want to happen. We all feel like things would be easier if only our children understood why we want them to do certain things. Refrain from thinking that you have to offer a reason every time. You don't! Managers dont offer a reason every time they make a decision. When your child argues about a decision you’ve made or a limit you have set, listen to them. Tell them you admire them for sharing their opinions and fighting for their cause. You don’t have to give in and you don’t have to keep explaining your reasons. The crux is that when you set the limits in place, you keep to your word. All too often we back off, and regretfully at this point we find we have gone a full circle. That's right! Back to square one. I am sure we have all been there at some stage. It is important to remember that even at times of high stress, no matter how reprehensible your child’s behaviour might be, you must remain a calm, steady leader. This can be tough for a while, however the more you repeat this action the better chance of success. It can be very empowering to walk away from an unresolved argument. Silence is golden as the saying goes, so removing yourself from the situation is vital. Different perspectives don’t have to be reconciled. It’s fine for your child to be unhappy or disappointed as they will soon find out that by always trying to get the upper hand this process will not work for them. We all want to be understood, and we’re sure we can make others understand if only they would listen. My advice is to take the time you would have spent arguing and instead spend a few minutes on self-care. Parental time-out is valuable at this stage. This is fundamental strategy for you as the parents. These situations wear you down and eventually lead to further family conflicts and an unpleasant atmosphere. The objective is to avoid this occurrence. These situations can wear you down significantly during the day and by the evening what do we do. Yes that's right, we just give in to the demands for peace sake. Don't! Be strong! Stay true to your decision. Till next time...... Solutioncoach

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