Friday, 29 January 2016

No room for negotiation with your child-energize yourself

Here’s a piece of coaching advice I often find myself giving to parents: Explain yourself once to your child and then move on. Don't stand there and get battered! You can’t solve an argument or make a child do something by trying to make them understand and agree with you. It is really simple. They are still a child! The fact is, they don’t understand you! They’re going to see things differently. Children and adults have totally different perspectives. Parents can spend a lot of time and energy trying to make a child accept their logic. It’s just not going to happen. It is likely never to happen. Why? Well they don't have your experience and life skills.The child will use manipulation to gain the upper hand and what does the parent do from this point? Yes! Enter into a negotiation process. Why do you want to strike a deal with your child. You know all too well that isn't what you want to happen. We all feel like things would be easier if only our children understood why we want them to do certain things. Refrain from thinking that you have to offer a reason every time. You don't! Managers dont offer a reason every time they make a decision. When your child argues about a decision you’ve made or a limit you have set, listen to them. Tell them you admire them for sharing their opinions and fighting for their cause. You don’t have to give in and you don’t have to keep explaining your reasons. The crux is that when you set the limits in place, you keep to your word. All too often we back off, and regretfully at this point we find we have gone a full circle. That's right! Back to square one. I am sure we have all been there at some stage. It is important to remember that even at times of high stress, no matter how reprehensible your child’s behaviour might be, you must remain a calm, steady leader. This can be tough for a while, however the more you repeat this action the better chance of success. It can be very empowering to walk away from an unresolved argument. Silence is golden as the saying goes, so removing yourself from the situation is vital. Different perspectives don’t have to be reconciled. It’s fine for your child to be unhappy or disappointed as they will soon find out that by always trying to get the upper hand this process will not work for them. We all want to be understood, and we’re sure we can make others understand if only they would listen. My advice is to take the time you would have spent arguing and instead spend a few minutes on self-care. Parental time-out is valuable at this stage. This is fundamental strategy for you as the parents. These situations wear you down and eventually lead to further family conflicts and an unpleasant atmosphere. The objective is to avoid this occurrence. These situations can wear you down significantly during the day and by the evening what do we do. Yes that's right, we just give in to the demands for peace sake. Don't! Be strong! Stay true to your decision. Till next time...... Solutioncoach

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Looking to the future

About ten years ago I met a client who was about thirty two years of age . He was dynamic , smart and extremely well versed with worldly cultures.He had started his career as a sixteen year old in an office environment, making the teas and coffees ,shredding paper and so on.However , his astute eye and quest for knowledge was insurmountable.He sucked up every bit of information that he could like the proverbial sponge , making notes when he went home so that he could study these concepts that he was taking on board.Day after day he repeated his actions and as the year passed on he became more engrossed in the mechanics of the operation. Soon after his eighteenth birthday he approached the manager with a view to changing his job role and working in the administration department. Up till his point he had always been viewed as the tea boy come office helper, however little did anyone suspect that he had accumulated this vast knowledge and quest for advancement of his future.After some deliberation the manager decided to interview him for the role.He arrived that day in a suit and tie , shining shoes and a broad grin on his face. The rest , as they is history as ten years later this person is the CEO of this company.He had the fire in his belly and the determination to succeed. Successful yes! Deliberate in his focus yes! Determined to achieve yes!Does he hold every degree available-NO!Then what does he have in his armour. He has the people recognition factor.The ability to discover what makes staff perform to their own capability.He is a visionary with a penchant for leading in the right direction. A great listener, a superb listener.He uses both ears and speaks with one mouth!!

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Re-jiggle your work strategy!

I realise that we go to work and think "Do I still want to work there?"Has that ever crossed your mind? I am sure it has entered your train of thought at some time in your career. The thing is what you do about it. The fact is no one’s job is perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Whether it is the physical side of the job or the daily intensity that makes you think about change. The important aspect to note is not to resign from your role until you have explored all avenues that could help you re-develop your role and stay where you are currently employed. All too often we make that irrational decision, resign and say "Oh dear, now what?" So how can you improve your current disposition and re-jiggle your work strategy? That is indeed the question you could ask yourself. A good starting strategy would be take a pen and paper and review your own current performance. Maybe think about are you doing justice to the role itself. Could it possibly be your own integration with your manager and co-workers. How focused have you been in ensuring that the role becomes your own. It could be time to step back, and not mingle with negative people and their nuances. This is just a brief outline of how you can improve your feelings about your current role. I have no doubt you can and will come up with more good and positive thoughts. Till next time... Solutioncoach

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Effectively Manage your Career

Too many professionals allow others to manage their career instead of taking control themselves. We tend to get caught up in the process of the actual work instead of managing the career. It is imperative that you actually know what you want by setting goals and re-visiting them on a regular basis. They need to be visible at all times and measured against achievement. Probably a good way is to incorporate your performance reviews and check whether they complement each other. Feedback can be positive or negative, however it is what you do with it from that point, that is most important. Open your mind to these at all times which, in turn, will elevate your career. Keep focused on industry articles and books and make comments on them. This way you could develop into the “go to person" for advice. Team members are always looking to someone to help them with a problem. By becoming this person it will definitely enhance your career within the company. Do not be afraid to put yourself forward for new projects that may arise even if you think you don’t quite have the expertise. Make it known that you want to gain new skill and are prepared to go for new advanced experiences. Spend valuable spare time updating your professional and personal profile. This creates activity within the media, lets people know that you're around and your profile becomes more visible. Only you can manage your career and create a solution to promoting yourself for the future. Till next time… Solutioncoach

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Embracing Diversity

"The concept of diversity encompasses acceptance and respect. It means understanding that each individual is unique, and recognizing our individual differences." A true and direct definition of diversity in a straightforward expression.I would,however,like to share my experiences of diversity and the practical application in a training environment.In my current role I am priveledged to lead classes of students from virtually every corner of the world.A more multi-culturally and language diverse group of people would in the true sense be very difficult to find.The class often attracts around thirty students on a weekly basis who attend with the focus of building confidence and creating and resourcing a new and meaningful future .These students take up their seats on a random first come first served basis so have no pre-conceived ideas of each other.What a refreshing thought. No labels whatsoever. I,as the lead trainer,have no idea who is in the room either. So what a perfect match! Sobering,delightful and mentally invigorating. Diversity in its natural form. Within minutes the banter starts and self-introduction commences. The common language is English which makes me think back where two students sat next to each other and only discovered after four days that they both were natural Portuguese speakers. In fact when they found out they had a good laugh about it. So back to diversity then. It is up to us as individuals to manage cultural intelligence by ensuring that we align ourselves and embrace it on a daily basis. After all, it is people who can and must make the difference within all communities. Make yourself authentic and believable and refrain from hiding behind others.Work together just as I experience every week. I know it can be done! Till next time. Stay focused! Solutioncoach

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Why didn't I get hired or called for an interview?

A common question across the spectrum of the jobsearch sector."Why didnt I get hired or called for an interview?". There are many reasons, however let us focus on just a one for now which I think has the most profound effect on the question.Intially when you apply for a particualr role it is mostly assumed that you have some sort of qualification or experience to do the job effectively.Well,otherwise why did you then apply knowing that you don't really have the correct profile to be a successful candidate.It is your attitude that carries the most weight in all aspects of the journey to success. What I mean is two-fold. Your attitude to the application and your attitude in the interview. Your demeanour will always determine the result that you achieve and at the end of the day who can answer the question. Only you and no one else. Till next time Solutioncoach

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Do you need a personal vision statement?

I pose this question to you in my final blog for 2013.DO YOU NEED A PERSONAL VISION STATEMENT? It is the time of year when we tend to consider our New Year Resolutions!In the majority of case these resolutions do not last more than a week, if that.The most common being "I want to lose weight" or "I want to stop smoking". I would suggest that the reason for failure is that none of these or in very rare cases are they written down. In other words are these resolutions committed to paper. It is like creating a contract with yourself , signed and sealed.The fact remains though why don't we do it.It is not a bad idea to share your personal vision statement with someone who cares about you,someone who can support your quest for success. Your statement can guide your life and help you achieve. It can be equated to you using a personal navigation instrument. A document you can refer to when you feel lost and directionless. These are some questions you can ask yourself to help you formulate your personal vision. What are the 3 or 4 things you need to do everyday to feel content? What are the 4 or 5 life values that are most important to you? People comment on your strengths.Develop them further. Work on your weaknesses.Convert them to strengths. Consider what 5 of your friends would say about you if asked. Think about these questions and answers and combine them in to your personal vision statement.Remember this will always be a work in progress and will require re-visiting regularly.And of course don't forget to write it down.I cannot stress enough the fact that getting started is the most important positive action you can undertake. Picking up that pen and paper is your commitment to change and personal development.Only you can change your path to success, no one else, just you. Look forward to 2014.Make it your year! Till next time Solutioncoach

Saturday, 30 November 2013

How to overcome procrastination

I have no doubt that most people tend to put something off that really needs resolving , yet tend to put it off, and then put it off again.Psychologist Professor Cally Lay says procrastination occurs when there is "a temporal gap between intended behaviour and enacted behaviour".Therefore a significant time between intention to do it and when the task is really done. The essential fact about this problem is to recognise when you are in the procrastination mode.Most of us tend to fall into this trap and then realise with a startle that the job has not been done.It causes unnecessary avoidable stress which is really self-inflicted. The crux of the matter is how to deal with this universal problem and take effective steps to combat this demon that many people tend to experience. I believe to prioritise tasks is an effective way to deal with procrastination.This, however,can pose a problem if you tend to only focus on the things that you enjoy most and find easiest to do.It's about being honest with yourself and making sure that you can indentify which task need urgent attention.Take a pen and paper and write them down , then rank them in order of importance and urgency.However, here's the crux of the issue. You need to know and be honest with yourself as to which task is urgent and which is important....... “...the best possible way to prepare for tomorrow is to concentrate with all your intelligence, all your enthusiasm, on doing today's work superbly today. That is the only possible way you can prepare for the future.” ― Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Till next time .... Solutioncoach